I’m Tired of Being a “Woman in Games.” I’m a Person.
By Dr. Eleanor Vance | Published on January 01, 0001
Sexism in games remains an unsolved problem, it’s clear. Some of you will be nodding along, and some of you will hear the s-word and roll your eyes and go, “oh, this again?” You guys can piss off-–go click on some new screenshots or a trailer consisting of a release date slowly fading into view. You’re hopeless. Sorry, do I sound a little hostile? It’s just that I’m shocked that grade-school concepts like “diversity is constructive” and “treat human beings equitably” are concepts that somehow still need championing, still need arguing for. I mean, really? I have to explain many times that the convergence of varied perspectives makes creating things-–like video games-–more fruitful? Or more simply: You think boys’ clubs are better than spaces where everyone gets equal respect regardless of their gender? What’re you, five? Whoa. Ugh. Sorry, I’m being confrontational again. I’m just really, really fatigued. See, I’ve been a games journalist for a number of years now. Currently I am editor-at-large at Gamasutra doing industry reporting most days out of the week; I have a column in Edge and one at this here Kotaku (where I used to be a fulltime editor, fun fact!), I edit Nylon‘s games section, and I’ve been in OXM, GamePro, the Escapist, Slate, Variety, Wired and the Onion‘s AV Club. In just the last week I appeared on PBS, and NPR just recorded me for a segment on a program about my latest Kotaku piece. I’ve been on CBS, CBC, I’ve spoken at multiple GDCs and on more podcasts than I can count (even drunk ones, uh huh). This past weekend I went out partying for Halloween until 4 AM and then I got up and went to a design conference and I wrote like five articles while I was there. Because this is my job, always, all day and every day. https://kotaku.com/this-video-might-convince-your-doubtful-friends-that-ga-5853739 I work, you guys. And yet on a regular basis I hear–-even from you guys who write to me and describe yourselves as my “fans” (sidenote: be fans of the people I write about who actually make things instead of people who just talk about them)… I hear myself described as “one of the most prominent female gaming journalists”, or as a “feminist writer.” When you guys come up to me at events you want to tell me about things you’ve read or games you designed that I might be interested in because they deal with gender stuff. Which, I mean, okay, is fine. Obviously I’m concerned about gender inequity and prejudice in the gaming space or I wouldn’t have spent words to get us here. I’ve written a lot about sex stuff, too. But again, you guys: I work all day every day and have done so for years. I write about business models, gaming and art culture, gamified apps (just in the past couple weeks!)-–and so many of you still think my gender is my most important adjective. “So many of you still think my gender is my most important adjective.” I’m not saying you-you, mind. I’m not going to assume that every one of you reading this article has even seen my byline before, let alone has distilled me to “female video game journalist” alongside any number of other zoo novelties. But here’s a funny thing: Every time I open my mouth to talk about sexism, I am presumed to be speaking only “as a woman”, and for all women. I’m not. Oh, god, am I not. Wanna know a funny thing? A lot of women aren’t too into my work, either, because I can’t speak for them the way they’d like, [[link]] or because I won’t be aggressive about feminism and instead I just want to talk about video games sometimes, and, like, I don’t mind the body physics in a fighting game or the sex in a sex game. And I really like Bayonetta! I’m sorry!! I can’t win. It pretty much sucks, and now you understand why I’m a little bit fatigued. Sometimes people invite me to “women in games” groups, and I understand that it’s important for me to represent. But often I hesitate, because I’m tired of being a “woman in games.” I’m a person. There are a lot of other adjectives you can use that are equally germane to my work. It’s a lot to assume, that I represent all women, or that it’d be possible for me to represent all women even if I wanted to. I feel entitled to be the kind of woman I want to be, and not have that be legislated based on what example my peers want me to set. I wish people wouldn’t make a big deal about my gender at all. And yet I can’t even say that—”stop making a big deal out of my gender”—because the war against sexism in the video game space isn’t nearly won. It is [[link]] still a big deal. The war against all kinds of insular hatred in the game space isn’t won yet. Gaming has been, forgive me, a predominantly nerdy shut-in white guy pastime for so long that people seem scared to discuss all the ways gaming could and should be a place where everyone needs to be acknowledged and invited, as creators and players and writers. I mean, my friend Denis bares his soul in front of all of you last week because of his wish for less homophobic language in the competitive online space, and there were still people among you who left comments to the effect of “how is this relevant to games.” There are still people among you who leave comments on Kotaku about Lisa Foiles’ makeup, or when Kirk Hamilton says he likes Felicia Day’s work you assume he’s in looooove. https://kotaku.com/this-gaymers-story-5854012 Really? How old are you? When are we going to grow up, as a culture? When am I going to stop being embarrassed to have devoted my entire life to this? So. Yeah. Sexism is still a problem. And as a writer people still think I’m a novelty that needs “female” before my name. And they assume somehow that I speak for all women. No. Just no. Do you know how many emails I got the other week asking me “what I thought” of the copious use of the word “bitch” in Arkham City, following Kirk’s article? https://kotaku.com/batman-arkham-citys-weird-bitch-fixation-5851358 All Kirk said was that he thought “bitch” got said a lot and that it seemed weird to him. And I get all these notes from you guys wanting specifically to know “what I think”, to the point where I felt like if I were to say “I’m not offended” people would feel somehow vindicated about calling women bitches, and the reverse of that too, to where people just wanted me to use my status as a female to vindicate their views on sexism, whatever they may be. And this happens a lot. The funny thing is that these tedious conversations that surface–-the word “bitch” in Arkham City, what the women are
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